Witty one liners about life. 376 of the best one 2018-10-02

Witty one liners about life Rating: 4,5/10 760 reviews

59 Funny and Witty Oneliners

witty one liners about life

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap? True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type. Use these funny lines for girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband.

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50 Funniest One

witty one liners about life

New Funny One Liners about Life Already people know about many jokes that they listen or read in different places like in videos or internet. In case if it hearts it will effect on your friendship or. You can send these lines as a message to another person. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem. There were some pretty egregiously sexist and offensive lines in this list we decided to remove after being pointed out by a reader on Twitter. Women should not have children after 35.


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376 of the best one

witty one liners about life

The difference between fiction and reality? See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Which I have not been able to answer. You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. A hard thing about business is minding your own. What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? When it comes to managing stress, watching a 30 minute comedy each day helped to decrease an individuals risk of a heart attack by 5 times. My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look hot. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

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Deshoda

witty one liners about life

War does not determine who is right — only who is left. ~ Benjamin Franklin All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. I also want to add that I heard that a Farmers conference froma Farmers Agent speaking at the conference. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. On my desk, I have a work station.

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15 Funny One Liners That Are Brilliantly Clever

witty one liners about life

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.

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59 Funny and Witty Oneliners

witty one liners about life

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly. Not having life insurance is like being left in a public bathroom without toilet paper. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg. A hard thing about a business is minding your own. I started with nothing, and I still have most of it. A comment I made to a man who insured his boat, R.

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50+ Painfully Funny One Liners

witty one liners about life

When a woman gets up people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen. So, we hope that some of these hilarious one liners got you feeling a little better again. Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things. You can send these to your friends. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

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59 Funny and Witty Oneliners

witty one liners about life

Some cause happiness wherever they go. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Strangers have the best candy. Firstly, being able to recall and drop a one-liner in an instant is the sign of a healthy functioning brain. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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50 Funniest One

witty one liners about life

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour 375. A friend is someone who will help you move. About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves the ends. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. What we need is idiot control. The following series of witty one liners are great phrases to remember so you can share them along to others.

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Funny One Liners

witty one liners about life

Any similarity to fictional characters, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Light travels faster than sound. Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

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